Ssssh..........wanna know a secret?

May 6th,May 6th,May 6th,May 6th,May 6th,May 6th,May 6th,May 6th,
Congratulations to Comrade Bob Ainsworth our totally inept Defence Secretary for bravely announcing the date of the election on Sky news yesterday. Loose tongues cost lives, they say. I bet Comrade Gordon wishes it is Bobs!
Can you imagine if 'Bob the Gob' (as he is now known) had been around in 1944?
"And I can tell Adolf one thing, if you think things will be the same after dawn on June 6th......... oops....can we do a retake?"
"No, this is a live interview you moron"

Best wishes comrades, Keir x

Comrade Jones under fire

Local hero and leader, Comrade Paul Jones has come under fire from those 'orrible oiks again. The problem is that Comrade Jones is a liar and is useless, which makes him ideal for my party AND to be our leader, but when he combines those two admirable attributes and becomes a 'useless liar', then, he does exactly what it says on the tin!
Comrade Jones, a word in your ear..... lying when calling someone a liar isn't the cleverest thing you can do, especially like now when you've been caught out. Tosser.
Oh hum.... this lot have had me turning in my grave so many times I get dizzy.

Best wishes comrades, Keir x

Another little wheeze

Shhh, keep this quiet but I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Make sure none of those 'orrible oiks BNP are looking over your shoulder and read on....
We know that their site gets loads more visitors than ours so we've come up with a cunning plan that even Comrade Baldrick would be proud of. Here it is.... hehehe, I really can't stop laughing at this one. Calm down Keir, calm down.
Right, here it is.......... one of our local comrades, a councillor actually, well maybe not a councillor but someone more intelligent (I suspect his 5 year old nephew) has come up with what they call a mirror site. Its a website address that is very close to the 'orrible oiks address but is really a duplicate address for our site, brilliant eh? So unsuspecting visitors searching for their site come to us lol, and not to them!!
Look comrades, I know some of you will find this petty and spiteful but hey, you're in the Labour Party, what did you expect? Petty and spiteful is our strength, negativity is our lifeblood.
And rumour has it that they have got a new website coming online shortly that will blow our poxy site out of the water, so what else can we do. I know some of you are not happy that Comrade Jude got us two grand for 'computer consultancy' with her expenses scam and we ended up with a two-bob site, but isn't that what we do best? Fleece the taxpayer and then waste it? Comrades, we should celebrate the fact that our site cost two grand and looks rank (bloody keyboard, R's and W's getting mixed up again!).
Anyway, keep our little wheeze a secret, don't let the oiks know.
Best wishes comrades, Keir x

Backstabbing and Conniving - Perfect for my Party

See if you can keep up with current events........
Comrade Hoon stabbed Comrade Brown in the back but conniving Comrade Harriet scored two bulls eyes by knifing Comrade Hoon and Comrade Brown in one go. Comrade Hoon will tomorrow stab both Comrade Blair and Comrade Brown at the war crime tribunal as he tries to shift blame for his own incompetence, whilst neighbouring Ashfield comrades will have a go at stabbing Comrade Hoon and getting him de-selected. And news just reaches me that local Amber Valley comrades killed off Labour chances in the Brinsley by-election by telling supporters to vote Tory - just to keep the 'orrible oiks BNP out!
Phew, and they say politics isn't fun lol.
This is so much better than in my day when we all were fighting for a noble cause and not just self aggrandizement. I say we have a lot to be thankful for since the Marxists took over!

Best wishes comrades, Keir x
('’)

Comrade Jude gets Cromwelled!

I see that Comrade Jude is at number five in the list of most unpopular MPs over on this WEBSITE.
Personally I don't think people appreciate that Comrade Jude works very hard at being useless and sites like this show that the public don't appreciate Judes efforts at all. I know there is some debate amongst local comrades as to whether being so crap comes naturally to her, but comrades, even though she's never had a proper job in her life this shouldn't be taken as proof that she is naturally useless. I think it has taken her years of practice to get to such a high ranking position
Anyway, the site can't be very good because Comrade Hoon isn't in the top twenty five. The real debate should be whether Comrade Geoff or Comrade Jude should be highest on the list. And I'll leave that for you to chew over......

Best wishes comrades, Keir x
('’)

M.E.S.S.

Doncha just love acronyms. Coming straight after our CRAP drive I have been asked to officially declare that local comrades are about to create a MESS (nothing new in that I hear you say).
The Marxist Electoral Support Scheme - MESS - is geared for our activists and councillors in that it is simple and takes just three easy steps.
STEP 1: Think of two/three people. They might be family members living away from home, they might be friends from another area or they might even be dead like me lol.
STEP 2: Register them to vote, and apply for a postal ballot.
STEP 3: Wait for the ballot papers to arrive, fill them in and send them off.
SIMPLES!
Your one vote becomes three, 100 votes become 1000 and 1000 votes become 3,000.
Many of our groups around the country use this postal vote scam, as do the Tories and Lib Dims, but we are the best.
Comrade Jude needs our help. People have realised that she is useless and only thinks of Amber Valley as a meal ticket. And as much as she tries to convince them that 'useless is good' they aren't buying it anymore. So much for gratitude!
So, there you have it. We are in a mess and we need a bigger MESS to get out of it. Good Labour logic eh?
Get registering comrades and I promise you no more acronyms!

Best wishes comrades, Keir x
  ('’)

Getting Away With It!

Hehehehe.... lucky us! It looks like we've got away with having a dig about the Tories on Ripley Town Council wanting to put Council Tax up. Nobody seems to have noticed that our brave comrades who are running Codnor into the ground are going to put whopping great increases in FOR THE SECOND YEAR RUNNING! lol.
But well done to Comrade Emmas Williams for bravely trying to deflect his incompetence away from Codnor Parish onto the Borough Council.
I thought Comrade Emmas was a bit of a mard-arse for throwing a strop when he only held his seat by a few votes but he's made amends in my book by showing great fortitude in not letting it get to him and carrying on in his own incompetent way. As we say locally, nobody does incompetence as well as Comrade Emmas (except Comrades McCabe and Moon of course. Oh, and not forgetting Cato, Ward, Jones, Longdon, Fisher, Cox et al)

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 
Best wishes comrades, Keir x

C.R.A.P

Many of our supporters and comrades are deserting My Party to join up with those ‘orrible oiks at the BNP. But we won’t go down the pan without a fight, comrades. That is why we are launching our Communist Recruitment Activist Programme or CRAP.

Lots of our local branches are suffering just like us so they too have started CRAPPING themselves.

So, what is CRAP? Basically CRAP sums up everything about us. Nowadays local activists have only one job, spreading lies about the BNP. Simple eh?

Our CRAP drive is aimed at getting simple folk to do a simple job. Do you enjoy talking crap, suffer from verbal diarrhoea aka our glorious local leader Comrade Paul Jones, and can you chuck a few leaflets through doors? Then you are more than qualified. And if you have the courage to make anonymous death threats, so much the better! Our comrades in the trade unions will even supply the phones! Oh and don't forget, most importantly, YOU CANT HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOUR!

Remember, the future of this country is at stake. If the BNP get in all our efforts to destroy it and turn it into a communist state will be lost.

He who laughs last - thinks slowest
Best wishes comrades, Keir x

Comrade Harriett shafts Geoff

D'ya know? Some days you see something that really warms your heart (well, maybe not in my case as I've been dead for 95 years, but you know what I mean). Having stood shoulder to shoulder with the suffragettes all those years ago, its good to see the fruits of your labours (Labours? geddit? lol) come home to roost.
Today we saw Comrade Harriet smugly taking her place as one of the key election players, ahhh..... But what made it even better was that she got there by shafting Comrade Hoon and blackmailing Comrade Brown!
Two Twats Twatted in one go, you might say! lol
Some of my local comrades say she has a penchant for paedophiles, and whats more they say it in a disparaging manner. But I say theres lots of them in my Party, so why pick on her?

Best wishes comrades, Keir x

Union of Arseholes and Freaks

I know Cameroon and his Tories have joined the list of supporters for our brave heroes in the UAF (Union of Arseholes and Freaks), but we all know its OUR money that funds their heroic struggle. They are our comrades and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
So its good to see that they haven't been idle (like our local councillors) and have been bravely making anonymous death threats to the fascist woman who set up a Facebook protest against something or other (HERE). I don't know if it was the arseholes or freaks wot done it, but hey, they are all our comrades and deserve our support.
I often wish that Comrade Jude wasn't such a useless tool and would speak out in favour of the UAF, after all its their violence and intimidation of our opponents that is keeping them at bay. And thats not fascist at all, oh no.

Best wishes comrades, Keir x

Tories use our Comrades

Those pesky Conservatives at Amber Valley Council are using our brave comrade Bob 'the knob' Moon to help their own councillors. Some of them were complaining of having sleepless nights with all the cuts and job losses they have inflicted but found that attending council meetings and being forced to sit through Comrade Bobs incessant ramblings cured their insomnia!
Now they have hit on the clever wheeze of offering this as a free service to all insomniacs in the district. Just go along to a council meeting for a guaranteed cure!
Personally I like Comrade Bob. With him its a case of what you see is what you get. With his silly hats and girly earrings he looks a right prat.... perfect for my Party.

Best wishes comrades, Keir x

New Election Poster

This is our new poster for the General Election. What do you think comrades? Personally I think Comrade Gordon should have combed his hair. But hey, what do I know. I only founded the Party, lol.

Best wishes comrades, Keir x

Comrade Gordons offer rejected

Down the pub today I heard a rumour that Comrade Gordon had offered to visit Amber Valley and help Judy Mallaber in the election campaign. Apparently Comrade Jude politely refused saying she had a tough enough job on her hands without him making it an impossible task!
As a matter of interest has anyone seen Comrade Jude lately? Is she on another of her publicly funded African jaunts? It seems she spends more time in Africa than here in Amber Valley.
To be honest, when she was first selected, I didn't like the idea of a southerner being parachuted in up here, if we wanted a useless female candidate then we could have gone for Glynne Cato, our councillor in Heanor East.

Best wishes comrades, Keir x

Support Comrade Hoon

It has come to my attention that there is a lot of dissent amongst local comrades about the abortive coup by Comrade Hoon against the Prime Minister. The reason for our neighbouring MPs brave action was envy; although Comrade Gordon is the most detested PM in history he is still more popular than the 'absolutely utterly detestable Hoon' (The Mirrors words, not mine).
Now listen comrades, when I set this Party up all those years ago it was based on the politics of envy, so we shouldn't be too demoralised when it comes back and bites our arses now and again.

Keep up the good work comrades, Keir x

Tories cause problems in Heanor

Tory leader on Ripley Town Council Juliette Blake is wanting to put the council tax up to the same level as Labour Controlled Heanor Town Council.
Bloody Cheek, now the people of Heanor will see we've been ripping them off for years AND running the town down.
They won't appreciate that this takes a lot of effort on our part - an enormous amount of time goes into spending all that money and having nothing to show for it. But hey, its what we in the Labour Party do best.

Keep up the good work comrades, Keir x

Introduction

Hi, I'm K. Hardie your editor for this blog. My friends call me Keir and you can view my complete profile here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keir_Hardie
Although I've been dead for many a year it doesn't stop me from posting blog articles, lets face it many of our voters are also deceased, although I'm not too happy about the electoral fraud practices of some of my colleagues.
As you know I'm what you may call a Christian Socialist and thoroughly disagree with Marxism, but there are so many of them around nowadays I've had to get used to it, and you better do too!
Anyway this blog is the REAL face of Labour in Amber Valley although National issues may also crop up. And rest assured I'll tell it exactly as it is, because as the song says "Its my Party and I'll do what I want to"